THE REWIND and FLASH FORWARD Part 2

Attitude Check!

Dear Parents,

Would you like to see your teenager have a better attitude?

As the leaders of the home you get to set the attitude example for your teenager to follow.

Philippians 2 displays Jesus’ example of the right attitude.

Here are 2 quick take-aways from Philippians 2 that can help change your attitude in your home this week:

1. Look to Your Own Interests – This might be a surprise to you, but your interests matter. Philippians 2:4 it says, “look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others” This verse assumes you will take care of yourself before you try to take care of your family. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact it sets you up to love your family from a position of health. It is not wise to give your teenager 100% of you, because if you do there is nothing left over. What can you do this week to take care of yourself in a way that will make you a better parent?
   
2. Look to the Interest of Others – It is not wrong to take care of yourself, but it is wrong to take care of only yourself. Once you have taken care of yourself in a healthy way than you are free to give yourself away in service. The Midrash taught that no Hebrew, even a slave, could be commanded to wash feet. But Jesus chose to do that in John 13 to set a standard of what love looks like. To love is to serve. The attitude of Jesus was to serve others from a position of health. This example is one that could revolutionize your home. 

If your attitude adjusts to look more like Jesus, you might be surprised to see your teenager’s attitude follow that example.

Your Biggest Fan,


Danny

THE REWIND and FLASH FORWARD Part 1

Helping You Stay Calm When Your Teenager Isn’t!

Dear Parents,

Today, I want to continue that thought by sharing with you a very practical tip to help you stay calm when your teenager is not calm.

It’s called the Rewind and the Flash Forward.

You can watch this short video to learn how you can try it out this week in your home.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/50506222/14e8a4cab6

I hope this helps you to apply what we have been learning. In our next session we will give ourselves an “Attitude Check”. I am looking forward to it, and I hope you are too.

And as always, share with a friend who would like to receive this. They can sign up here

Your Parenting Partner,

Danny

Have a great week,

Wow! That could have gone better. Part 2

This month we are talking about how to RESPOND to your teenager instead of REACTING to your teenager.

Did you do your homework from last week? Have you looked up Proverbs 15:1?

This great truth is the first thought that you can bring to your minds and hearts when your teenager opens the door of frustration in your relationship.

But for this lesson I am going to suggest to you three quick thoughts that you can go through like a checklist in your head to keep you from losing your temper:

1) Pray this short prayer first: “God give me grace in the moment”. It is impossible to maintain control of your emotion apart from the grace of God, so be willing to ask for it.

2) Ask yourself, “What can I teach them right now?” This thought will keep you focused on the greater parenting task which is teaching them the beliefs and life skills they need to become an adult.

3) Consider the context. What physical changes could be causing this behavior? What relational pressures or circumstances might be fueling your teenager’s emotional response?

Here is a 6 minute and 29 second video from a recent Parent Seminar that talks more about understanding the Physical Changes that are going on inside of your teenager. Understanding these changes can give you the context you need to RESPOND instead of REACT to their wild mood swings. Follow this link to watch the video: http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/48888063/ff98940e88

Thanks again for being a part of this online parenting class.

My goal is to encourage you, and open the lines of communication between our church and your home. With that in mind, feel free to email me any questions or prayer requests you may have.

Your Parenting Partner,
Danny

Wow! That could have gone better.

What is the difference between Reacting and Responding?

Actually there is a huge difference. If you and I can understand that difference we can build bridges instead of walls in our relationships with teenagers.

This month’s online parenting class is focused on helping you as a parent learn some tips to “Respond” to your teenager in a healthy way.

I want to start by sharing a great example from an experienced mom of teenagers:

It was my favorite lip gloss! Burt’s Bees (the tinted one, no less) is not exactly cheap. And did I mention it was my favorite? What could she possibly have been thinking? Every sane person knows that when lip balm is left in a warm car, it tends to get soft. So what would possess her to twist it till it was all the way up and then try to push it back down into the tube? Really? Of course it split right down the middle.

This would have been the perfect time to teach my teen the difference between reacting and responding. I failed. Again. There were so many ways to do this better. I could have said anything other than “What in the world do you think you are doing? Did you even think through that?”

How am I ever going to teach my child this lesson if I can’t get it myself? Reactions are governed by emotions, while responses are governed by the ability to think through the situation. That means closing our mouths and not saying the first thing that pops into our heads, which is usually critical.

Not so easy when our teen is hurling their attitude at us with acute precision. Don’t kid yourself. They know our buttons and are not above pushing them. Over and over and over. I think they have created a fantasy league where they earn points by pushing us over the edge again and again! But how different would our relationships be with our teens if we responded rationally to their attacks instead of reacting immediately?

There is one tool that I use that is helping me learn this concept. It’s called breathing. I know, profound, right? But you would be amazed at how well this works! First, it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure. Extra oxygen always helps. And those few precious moments it takes to breathe a few extra times may be the difference between teaching them and arguing with them. I will take teaching every time!

______________________________________________

I want to challenge all of the parents in our ministry to memorize with me a short verse to help us “breathe” when our teenager’s stir up anger in us.

So, your homework is to look up Proverbs 15:1, memorize it, and repeat it to yourself every time your teenager tries to push your buttons. Are you with me?

As always, if you have any questions or prayer concerns please respond to this email and let me know.

Your Parenting Partner,
Danny

Parent Ministry - How To Leave A Legacy Pt. 2

HOW TO LEAVE A LEGACY Pt. 2

Dear Parents,

I hope you enjoyed our last lesson. I really appreciated your responses to the email and the feedback you gave me. We are really beginning to build an online community of parents!

Today we are asking the question, “How do you pass down faith to your teenager?”

Let’s begin by watching this 3 minute video…http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/43519296/a13f91ff3d

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 gives us our mission from God as parents:

“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

I want to quickly unpack this job description for parents into 3 action steps that you can do today to begin passing down faith in your home:

1) Put it in your Heart First- “these commands…are to be on your hearts” You can’t give away what you don’t have. You can’t inspire someone else to do something unless it inspires you first. If you want your teenager to be fueled by their faith than make sure that is what is fueling you.

ACTION STEP: Consider planning a spiritual retreat for yourself. You could get away for just a few hours or you could invest a whole week in a focused time with God. It may feel selfish, but filling your own heart spiritually allows it the ability to spill over into the life of your family.

2) Infuse Faith into Everyday Life- “talk about them when you sit at home” The center of spiritual activity for your family should be your home. Many times we believe that

should be the church. In God’s blueprint for passing down faith He sets up parents to be the leaders and the home to be the main stage.

ACTION STEP: Brainstorm ways you can discuss faith with your teenager daily. Practice intentional conversation about spiritual matters this week. It could be as simple as leaving your teenager a note with your favorite verse and an encouraging word. It makes a difference.

3) Use Symbols and Ceremonies to Pass Down Faith- “Tie them as symbols on your hands” If you read the Bible you will quickly see that God values symbols and ceremonies as a way of giving faith away to the next generation. The Hebrew word for “impress” in verse 7 literally means to “tattoo”. God made the hearts and minds of children and He knew that the way to “tattoo” faith on their hearts was to give them symbols they can touch and ceremonies they can experience.

ACTION STEP: What are some Christian symbols and ceremonies you can bring into your home and lead your family to experience together. Our Student Ministry has created these kinds of experiences you can do with your teenager. Go check out the Rites of Passage Experience materials we have available for you by clicking this link:

http://www.fbcls.org/ministries/student-ministry/uturn/parent-link

God sure did give us an important job didn’t He?

The encouragement we have for you today is that you are not alone in this task.

God Himself will give you all that you need to accomplish His will as a parent.

Also, our church’s Student Ministry stands ready to partner with you in this task. This is why we started this Online Parenting Class and we are making the Rites of Passage

Experience available to your family.

I would love to hear your questions, thoughts, or continued discussion.

Your Partner,

Danny

Parent Ministry - How To Leave A Legacy Pt. 1

HOW TO LEAVE A LEGACY Pt. 1

Dear Parents,

This is a BIG DAY in our ministry.

I am starting our online parenting class in this email. I hope that you will find this experience extremely helpful and informative.

Today we are going to begin by talking about your will….

Do you have a will? You know, the paper that they pull out when you die to see who gets your stuff.

The process of preparing a will is not fun. The lawyer asks you, “If you die who will you give your stuff to?” You say, “Give it to my spouse.” The lawyer quickly responds, “and if your spouse dies who will you give your stuff to?”

This goes on and on until it seems like everyone is dead and you are so frustrated you consider telling the lawyer that they can have it!

When you write a will you figure out how you are going to leave your stuff, but what about the stuff that matters most?

What values are you going to leave your teenager?

What will you teach them about what is right and wrong in this world?

What will your teenager know about faith?

Our student ministry wants to help you leave a rich inheritance to your teenager of the stuff that really matters.

That is why we want to introduce you to the Rites of Passage Experience. We are going to help you have the conversations with your teenager that matter the most.

We are going to give you the tools to infuse faith into the most import moments in life.

Here are the 7 Rites of Passage we are going to encourage you to lead your teenager through:

6th Grade – Preparation for Adolescence
7th Grade – Blessing Ceremony
8th Grade – Purity Weekend
9th Grade – Driving Contract
10th Grade – Money Matters
11th Grade – Family Tree
12th Grade – Manhood/Womanhood Ceremony

I want to finish today’s class by asking you to watch this 3 minute video. It explains the Rites of Passage Experience we are launching as the foundation of our Parent Ministry.

You can see it by clicking this link:https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/42874938/c9b551a865

As always please feel free to reply to this email with any questions about the Rites of Passage Experience or prayer requests.

Your Partner,


Danny